at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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