So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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