so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
