Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
