I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
