They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
