my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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