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I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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