Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
