Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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