Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
