He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
