I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
