I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
