You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
