You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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