then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
