Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
