I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm going to jail i love you
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
