my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
