Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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