MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
