That's intense
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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