i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
