Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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