he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
