3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.