Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
