The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.