Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT