so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER