I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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