Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"

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  (760): And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV" http://tfl.nu/slsr
  Replies (12) Good night (805) Bad night (2739)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.

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  (606): I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell. http://tfl.nu/fpod
  Replies (43) Good night (743) Bad night (4276)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.

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  (703): Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time. http://tfl.nu/wm5x
  Replies (12) Good night (675) Bad night (3933)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

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  (905): She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris http://tfl.nu/nmbr
  Replies (43) Good night (8984) Bad night (1374)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.

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  (704): Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining. http://tfl.nu/owux
  Replies (14) Good night (5512) Bad night (1185)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.

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  (720): He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were. http://tfl.nu/8g5z
  Replies (7) Good night (900) Bad night (2466)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp

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  (214): You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp http://tfl.nu/t0a5
  Replies (9) Good night (1404) Bad night (2760)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after

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  (412): Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after http://tfl.nu/0llh
  Replies (11) Good night (4703) Bad night (1025)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  To be honest, kinda.

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  (708): For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly? (773): To be honest, kinda. http://tfl.nu/5ciz
  Replies (13) Good night (1623) Bad night (4060)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.

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  (231): I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking. http://tfl.nu/yxdj
  Replies (5) Good night (1662) Bad night (814)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable

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  (646): Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable http://tfl.nu/rcay
  Replies (6) Good night (1294) Bad night (387)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.

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  (970): Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome. http://tfl.nu/0viv
  Replies (7) Good night (835) Bad night (463)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later

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  (414): Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later http://tfl.nu/j0j8
  Replies (3) Good night (581) Bad night (563)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??

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  (903): Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate?? http://tfl.nu/wozc
  Replies (6) Good night (826) Bad night (410)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.

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  (205): You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while. http://tfl.nu/3e5e
  Replies (2) Good night (329) Bad night (723)

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