just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
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Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
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just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available