Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Everclear isn't food dammit
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
