I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
