you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
