i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize