i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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