Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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