now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
