if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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