walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
