Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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