So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
