her vagine was all disorganized.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
