Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
