Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
