So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
