i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I lost the right to judge tonight
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
