dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
