you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
