You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
