Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
