the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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