Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
