yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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