I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
