awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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