I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
FUCK WHALES
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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