I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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