My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
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I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
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The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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