The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
