Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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