And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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