she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
