I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
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Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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