On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize