Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
