I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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