Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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