Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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