Jerry, you need to find god
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
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I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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