I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
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