You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
