seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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