Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
