Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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