hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
